fraud contagion

Do you ever feel imposter syndrome? A lot of people do, and I certainly used to, but honestly not that much anymore. Maybe on somedays.

But do you ever feel irrationally mad at someone because they failed to live up to your expectations? It only seems to happen under specific circumstances.

If someone is praised or known for being good at something and I compare myself to them: if I consider myself as good or close to as good at the thing they are being praised for, I get upset. My instinct is to reject them and call them a fraud. Because if they are only as good as I am, then surely they are a fraud, because naturally, I am a fraud. “You must be bad because I can’t be good, and we are comparable.”

I subconciously know that if I were to acknowledge that they are special, then I would have to acknowledge myself as being special. So instead I accuse both of us of being ordinary.

It’s a strange behavior to observe but it’s important to understand.

Do you ever feel like that?